Worry

I can't stop thinking lately. And worrying. I'm worrying about whether or not Kieran will ever be weaned, then I worry about how I'll feel when he is. I worry he'll never get over his separation anxiety, then I worry about whether he'll love me when he doesn't need me. I worry about how I'll get through another day of a nine-month-old who needs me CONSTANTLY, then I worry about him getting growing so fast. Worry...worry...worry. 

 So many moms I know just seem to absolutely love being a mom. I do love my son, and I think I love it overall. But, my goodness, it is hard! Harder than I ever imagined it would be. I don't know how so many moms just seem to have it all together. I don't. I feel like I'm drowning 90% of the time. Okay...take that back, 99% of the time. And then I get back to the worrying and worry that I'm just not enjoying it enough. That I'm not enjoying the experience enough, after all, I hear constantly that it goes by SO FAST, as if I don't know that at this point. 

I do enjoy the small moments--those moments where a little face with milk dripping down his cheek looks up at me and grins a half-toothless grin and whispers, those moments where he pulls up on something (He is indiscriminate about what he pulls up on at this point...a bra strap, a table, a toy, etc.) and makes excited little "haaa haaa haaa" sounds, those moments where he focuses and touches a new texture with his tiny index finger, and those moments where he just wants cuddles from his mommy. I love this boy so much it feels like I will explode. Btw, I am utterly repulsed at myself for perpetuating the constant mom-isms ("you blink and they are grown up," "You'll love them so much you won't believe it," etc.) that will drive you NUTS as a first time mom. But most of them are true. You worry. You love. You want more sleep, but you wouldn't give up the quiet night time moments. You want the waking up constantly to end, but you DREAD the last time you will get up to feed that baby. It's an absolutely insane experience and I think in the end it will be worth it...at least at this point, I have hope it will.

Neutrals

I have a thing for neutrals. I love that they go with everything. If the majority of your wardrobe is composed of neutrals, then you are free to buy whatever pops of color your heart desires. This spring extremely light pinks and nudes are just working for me. I love them. Subdued hues are just perfect for spring. A bohemian chic nude layered look just seems right this spring. I can't wait to do some more shopping! (If only we weren't trying to save money...)

First Hike

We took Kieran on his first hike! We hiked on the Pacific Coast Trail. It was pretty windy, but still a lot of fun. Maddie and Gretchen sure enjoyed it! It was nice walking them on the way up because they help pull you, but the same goes for the way down, which is quite scary! I love doing things with my little family! :)

Coming to you from Fussyville

I've been planning on popping in and telling you about our alternative to a typical, romantic Valentine's Day this year. However, Stinkbug has been screaming for days straight. Well, it feels that way, at least. I'm hoping it's teething; if it's not that means teething is still yet to come and then I'd have no idea what is going on now. He wants nothing to do with anyone but me and just wants to nurse constantly!

Aaaanyways, normally, we prefer romantic, dating memory-inducing, sweet dates or trips. This year, to make a preemptive strike against the frustration that was sure to rear its ugly head when we tried to take a romantic date with a 6 month old, we decided to do something that would be fun for Stinkbug, but that we would also enjoy. So...we headed to the zoo! It was a blast! Unfortunately, we both forgot our cameras. :( Thanks to technological advances, we were both armed with cell phone cameras. The pics certainly aren't great, but we were able to capture moments from Stinkbug's first day at the zoo. He loved it! Especially the flamingos. They squawked. He squawked back. They squawked. And the cycle continued. It was adorable! A few of the animals really seemed to like him; the Coati walked over and stood by him and tried to sniff. It was pretty darn cute. There was also a golden-cheeked gibbon who was holding her little baby. The baby kept trying to steal twigs from her as she was eating. EVerybody laughed when stinkbug proceeded to try to grab our straw while we were watching the gibbons. Goofball. :) He squealed at every stranger he saw all day. It's so odd how much more he likes strangers than people he knows.


After leaving the zoo, we went to the mall to take advantage of the time to get some errands done. Sean spoiled me and bought me two pairs of pumps and makeup! One of my pairs of pumps should be getting here tomorrow. I'm dying to see them! Plus, I got my newest nail polish obsession: OPI's Touring America Collection: Uh Oh, Roll Down the Window. It's a fairly matte army green. It is pretty neutral for a green; I love pairing it with my feminine ruffly ivory top. The contrast is magnificent. Anyways, it was a darn good day. :)

Being Loved and Loving

Okay, sappy (and religious) moment here. I was told when I was 15 or 16 that I probably would never have kids. No one knew what I had been told, but a lady I grew up with told me that she believed God told her to tell me that I would be able to have kids. Long story short, God found me the perfect man. I went of the depo shot, was praying about everything and remember thinking while praying that getting pregnant in November would be perfect. 11.5 months later, I got pregnant in November. I also (this is silly) but reeeeeeeeeeally wanted a baby with fuzzy blonde hair. Today, I am looking down at my precious baby boy with his perfect little face and fuzzy blonde hair, and I know one thing beyond the shadow of a doubt. I am loved.

Christmas

Tomorrow is my son's first Christmas! I am ridiculously excited!! I am as excited as much about future Christmases as this one. I can't wait to start new traditions with my little guy that will make Christmas as wonderful for him as it was for me as a child. My parents always worked hard to make our Christmases special. I am so thankful for my kiddo and my husband this Christmas. Kieran will tear the paper off of presents, but he much prefers eating the bows. :) He'll probably spend tomorrow doing a combination of a few things--fussing, spitting, squealing, laughing, rolling, and wiggling. :)